So. Yeah. I haven’t written here much lately. I haven’t written much ANYWHERE lately.
And I know that I usually start of with some excuse about why I haven’t written. But if you’ll notice, I’ve shifted the focus from My ‘Writing’ Life to My ‘Creative’ Life. Because while I haven’t written lately, I’ve been arting like a crazy bitch. (Which is accurate. Bipolar is good for creativity, bad for everything else.)
So instead of stressing myself out with schedules and timesheets and beating myself up for not having a fully fleshed-out, edited novel in time for Dragon*Con, I’ve been doing things like sketching and painting, and obsessively joining collaborative art projects. Yeah, again, bipolar thing. I haven’t managed to join more than I can complete, but it’s really close. And I’ve been hunched over the coffee table, doing things like drawing/painting/gluing seed faeries and things of that nature.
I had forgotten how much I missed visual arts.
Granted, it’s easy for me to burn myself out on visual arts as easily as I do with writing, but I think there were other reasons I got away from it. First, I left it so long ago to pursue graphic design. That turned out badly, and after I struggled for 18 or so months to get a graphic design job after graduation, I was just burnt out on visual arts alltogether. Second, art is something I always shared with my father. When he passed, I had a lot of anger. It took me several years to get over some of the rockier parts of our relationship, and I think that helped kill my enthusiasm for anything I associated with him. I’m better now.
And I’m arting again. Mostly watercolors, but I’m obsessed with drawing too. I’ve been going through my hoarde of art supplies from 7 or 8 years ago, and I’ve been discovering all sorts of goodies from a time when money wasn’t so scarce. I had considered throwing everything away, but I’m really glad I didn’t.
It’s been great for my focus and my sense of well-being, but terrible for my back.
I will certainly get back to writing Altar of Wisdom and editing Altar of Change, but I really just needed this break. The constant doctors appointments, scrambling for pill money, and worrying about everything in between has been wearing me down. I haven’t been taking the break that I need to heal and feel better, but just trying to take the steps to heal and feel better are filled with stress and anxiety. And medicines have side effects. I’ve been whipped around so much by those damn side effects that I’m happy when I can get out of bed in the morning.
I also have plans to get back to podcasting, and I just renewed hosting on this ‘site. I’m using a higher plan to host my ‘casts, so I will DAMN WELL USE IT. :0)
Spiritually, things are good as always. I maintain my daily prayer practice. Monday, I pray to Yemaya, Tuesday is Sarasvati. Wednesday is Hecate, and Thursday is Lakshmi. Friday is Inanna, and Saturday is Cernunnos. Sunday is my self-care day, and so I just pray and repeat positive affirmations to myself each day.
I also still draw a tarot card each day, though I didn’t get a chance today. I’ll pull one when I get home.
Romantically speaking, things are fabulous. I love my Bear like I’ve never loved anyone else in this world, but I get the added benefit of being able to date a Lion as well. He’s pretty and funny and sweet, and we have a lot of fun together. I hope things keep developing for the better, though I’m being cautious and slow. All in all, I’m a lucky bitch. A lucky crazy bitch, but I’ll take it. 🙂
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