I love you, Grandma.

After months of back-and-forth health, my grandmother passed on December 10th.

She had had several heart attacks, congestive heart failures, and strokes over the past 2 years or so, but she promised everyone she would make it though the holidays. We believed her. She was a tough lady. We spent part of Thanksgiving at my aunt’s house, and part at the hospital, visiting her after her most recent heart attack. She was in the hospital for about a week and a half, and then at a rehab center, where she was trying to get strong enough to come home. We all knew she was coming home to die, but that’s neither here nor there.

On December 7th, she had a seizure. Her heart wasn’t getting blood to her brain, and there wasn’t enough oxygen moving around to fuel what needed to be fueled. She didn’t wake up at all that night, and we all said goodbye. I’ve seen people who were about to die, and I’ve actually watched a few people pass. She was showing all the signs, and I knew beyond of a shadow of a doubt that she was gone.

I went home and did a tarot reading, using my Revelations Tarot deck. I only use this deck when someone is about to pass. I bought it when my father was in his last days of fighting lung cancer, and when I did a reading to see when he would pass, one of the pictures looked so much like him, languishing in bed, that I can’t use it unless it’s connected to someone passing. And it’s eerily accurate on that account.

The reading said that yes, she would pass within the next 3 days, and I accepted it. I was suprised she made it though the night, to be honest.

The next morning, she woke up. She woke up, and she seemed to be doing great. It was a complete shock. It was as if she had gotten something harmful out of her system with the seizure. We were thrilled! She was in the hospital for 2 nights, and then back to the rehab place on the third day. I went to visit her that third night, and on the way an eagle hovered over my car as I was driving. I was suprirsed to see such a huge hawk, until I looked closer, and realized that it wasn’t a hawk at all. It just kept pace with my car, maybe 10 feet off the ground, and ahead of me enough so that I could see it.

When I got there, she was eating. She had been eating all day (which she hadn’t really done much of in weeks). She was friendly and enthusiastic, and she reminded me of the Grandma I remembered from like 15 years ago. She was chatting with the nurses, and offering everyone candy. I stayed for about 2 hours, and we had a nice chat. I helped her get her jammies on, and she stood up on her own and helped. Then I got her in bed and she snuggled down into the covers with a huge grin. She looked so cozy.

Before I left, she held my hand, thanked me for coming, and told me she loved me. She said she would watch a little TV before bed.

Less than 2 hours later, I got the call that she’d had another seizure. Before I could get everything together to get to the hospital, my sister texted my husbear, saying that he needed to go to because she didn’t make it.

I was shocked. She had seemed so lively, so happy just a few hours before.

I was told that if I wanted to see her one last time, I was welcome to walk back to her room in the ER. I didn’t. I wanted to remember her snuggling down in the bed, happy and warm. I still can’t believe she’s gone.