That’s how you make me feel.

Recently, I’ve been spending time with my family.  They most certainly make me feel guarded.  I have to watch everything I say, I have to omit, I have to protect myself and you from their judgment and their spite.  I get tense, I stop smiling so much, I throw up walls around myself.

There are even friends that I can’t be myself around.  I know that they’ll only understand me so much, and so there are walls there too.  In fact, the world is filled with people that make me feel guarded.

That’s why you’re my mate.  You’re the one that I can say anything to, that I can be myself around.

We went to the sauna last week with my mother and sister.  My mother complained from the time we left her house to the time we got home.  Her back hurt, she was going to faint, my grandparents are driving her crazy, even that her soup was too hot.  My sister, who used to be my ally in the chaos of our family has become oblivious to all of it.  She just apes my mother, complaining as well and nodding and absorbing all of her negativity.  She doesn’t realize that she’s wallowing in it too.

You and I have all the reason in the world to be negative. And we’ve both gone through our own depressions, but at least we try to live. We try to enjoy the positive.  We have fun despite all of the BS.

That’s why you’re my mate.  Because you make me laugh during the shittiest times of my life.  Because you make me feel unguarded.

I love you, Bear.