Finding Balance

My goal for this year was to go deeper. I wanted to go deeper into my spiritual practice, spending more time with shamanic journeying and deepening my relationship with my deities. I wanted to go deeper into my personal care practice, spending more time in nature and spending more time doing dreamwork. I wanted to go deeper into the novel I finished in November, editing and polishing it up enough that I might actually let someone read it (unlike my first novel).

Instead, I’ve been working. And it’s great having a job after years of trying to figure out what it is that I’m supposed to be doing. It’s been great anticipating a real paycheck, rather than just nickels and dimes coming from various sources. It’s great having coworkers again to socialize with, and it’s great feeling like I have a purpose in my life.

However, it comes with a price. First, I’ve been paying with fibro pain. The change in my sleep schedule, the stress of the commute, and the stress of training and beating myself up for not ‘getting it’ faster has taken its toll. That’s fine. I’ve learned to live with pain, and this is no exception. I hope it will subside at some point, but if it doesn’t, I’m at least used to hurting all the time. Second, I have no time in my day to pursue any of my ‘go deeper’ goals. I wake up, get ready, go to work, fight traffic to get home, make dinner, and then mindlessly watch some YouTube before going to bed. I barely even have the attention span to read at night. And the weekends are when I decompress into a pile of useless jelly. Hardly productive time for me.

So I’ve been thinking about strategies to find some sort of balance. I want to find small things to do that remind me that I’m ME, and not a mindless worker drone. For example, I need a new bag to take to work. It sounds simple, but the idea of having a tarot deck with me that I can use in my car on lunchbreak sounds great. I’ll also carry stones to represent my deities and maybe a stone for grounding as well. The bag will hold the things that keep me grounded in me-ness. Maybe even some essential oils or BPALs. I’ll probably start bringing my iPad to work with me so that I can read on lunch break instead of mindlessly scrolling through Facebook or TikTok.

I also hope to get to the point that this job is easier and more like second-nature for me. That will take some time, as I’m still in the learning stages. However, once I’m more comfortable and I’m not using every iota of brain power to do simple tasks, I can maybe take a few hours each weekend to work on editing. I don’t think I’ll have the concentration to pursue shamanic journeying any time soon, but someday maybe I will. Perhaps a few minutes of meditation each night before I pass out will help keep me spiritually involved.

So I guess it’s about finding the small things that will help me to reconnect with myself despite the lack of energy and time. And I’ll just continue to fight through pain to get through my day. Just writing this blog post was a major undertaking with the limited energy I have during the day.

How do you keep a connection with your spiritual life when you’re stressed and have very little time or energy? Any tips would be appreciated. Blessed be! <3