I had a revelation today that shouldn’t have been a revelation. All of my characters are really part of my own personality. I don’t know why that didn’t occur to me before.
I mean, honestly.. Don’t ALL writers do that? Don’t we all take part of our consciousness and spill it out into a page in some way or another? And don’t we all end up writing facets of our own personalities?
In terms of an astrological chart, I think I’ve figured it out. Vine is my sun sign, Bear is my ascendant. Vesta is my moon, while Rowan is my Mercury and Trixie is my Venus. Liam is my Mars, June is Jupiter, and Aggie and Branwyn both share the dubious distinction of being my Saturn sides. As for the rest of the planets, I’m sure they’re there too.
I should really do an astrological chart for Vine. *ponders*
What brought about this revelation is a short story that I began noodling out on my way to work today. I had a great line in mind, and I developed it as I drove. I think it’s kind of fabulous, and it really sums up how I’ve been feeling lately. In short, it’s negative, self-pitying, and all of those dark gooey things that we don’t like to admit to.
As I began to write it, I realized that it was an attempt to work some of that stuff out of my subconscious. And the only person who could have said these things was Aggie. It occurred to me that she’s my Saturn. She’s the limitations that I impose on myself and that life imposes on me. She’s the person who goes through all the personal tragedy and loss, and she’s one tough bitch because of it. But it hasn’t left her without a certain amount of bitterness.
And in this story, she’s experiencing yet another loss. She’s trying to make light of it with a messed-up metaphor, and it’s barely concealing the fact that she’s feeling helpless. But instead of crying and flailing, she tries to make a joke and drinks another sip of scotch.
I can really relate to it right now. And I think now that I know what I’m doing (as far as working out personal things through her), it will be helpful for me. I also think that having a drink or two while I’m writing it will help. It’s definitely a story that I need to relax into. My hope is that it doesn’t become a pity-fest, but that it becomes its own, fully-realized short story. We shall see.
So here’s a goat for Aggie. And for me. And for all the shit that we’ve gone through.