Pagan Blog Project Week 24- Lust

Where has this been all this time? Oh right, it’s been located at http://paganblogproject.com/. For quite a while, actually. I just didn’t know to look for it.

Pagan Blog Project is a weekly blog prompt, where you write on the topic (right now, it’s a new letter every week), and you share it on your blog as well as a link to your post on their page. There’s also a Facebook group.

I’m VERY excited to get started.

L is for LUST

Also licentiousness, lasciviousness, and even love. This is one of my favorite topics. Always has been. As a kid, I spent hours writing what I understood as erotica, not knowing exactly the details, but trying my best anyways.

I was very eager to get on with the whole ‘losing my virginity’ storyline, and did so at an early age. I was disappointed that first time. Weren’t we all?

The boy I was with fumbled around for maybe 30 seconds, came, jumped up and said “Well, that was quick!”, and promptly exited the room. It was a less than triumphant moment for me. A few weeks later, he prayed to Jesus for forgiveness, and magically became a virgin again. He also started working on trying to get one of my best friends into bed. I wonder how many times he had been re-virginized before me.

After that, I met my ex. I was still young, but had learned quite a lot from that experience. So we took it slow, not having sex until 3 months into our relationship. But it was everything my first time should have been. It was slow and sweet and intense. And as we explored together, I learned to crave him. I craved his skin against mine, him inside me, the scent of his body. I’m nearly drooling at the thought right now.

We split up after 7 years of exploring sex together, having experimented with kink, power exchange, and also with sacred sexuality.

When we split up, I went though a self-imposed 3 year bout of chastity. Then had a few dates, made some mistakes due to that bout of chastity and HOW MUCH I NEEDED TO GET LAID, and then met my second major ex.

Long story short, we succumbed to the dreaded lesbian bed death, and 3 years into our 7 year marriage, sex was done. I suppressed my urges, until something just snapped in my brain and I couldn’t anymore. I had felt unfuckable for so long, that I desperately needed to prove myself wrong. So I asked my ex for an open relationship and began dating like mad.

It was great. I got all the attention I could handle. I got sex whenever I wanted, but it was incredibly empty. There were a few romantic entanglements that didn’t work out for whatever reason, but I wasn’t in it for that as much as I was in it for the sex. I developed my tastes, found some new kinks, made some friends.

I blossomed.

Fast forward to now. I met my husband once I’d gotten tired of the casual dating and fucking, and we’re incredibly connected. We’re in our own little world. We laugh at each others’ jokes when everyone else looks at us like we’re crazy. We’ve been together for almost 5 years.

A combination of daily life stuff, my fibromyalgia, his busy schedule, and various other things have diminished our sex life in a major way. We’re working on a once/month schedule these days. That’s not nearly enough.

I want LUST in my life. I want passion. I want to look in his eyes, mid-act, and know that he feels that connection too. Not the aches, the pains, the awkwardness, but the CONNECTION. That certainty that our LUST is sacred. Our passion for each other can create something more than just an orgasm. I want sex magick.

DAMIANA

Damiana has long been used as a powerful aphrodesiac in Mexico, where it grows as a low shrub with yellow flowers. The tiny leaves are used in incense, tea, and a sweet liquer, often found in a bottle reminiscent of an Earth Goddess.

I’ve been using it to make tea, and I’ve been throwing in a bit of skullcap for relaxation as well.

My hope is that it will help us to reconnect, help us find that LUST we’ve been missing.