Yeah, not something I ever, ever wanted, but something that happened just the same and I’m learning to work with it since I have no choice.
August 13th, 2024, I lost my husbear. I came home to find him unexpectedly dead in our bed. It was the absolute worst thing I could imagine happening, and it happened. And there is forever a before (happy, naive me) and an after (constantly sad me). It’s difficult to write about, but here we go…
I lost a lot of faith when he passed. I broke up with my deities, and stopped believing in magick so much, which had previously been one of my rock-solid foundations. And now I hang out with friends, I clean my house, I take care of the cats, I cry and cry and cry, and it’s really difficult to reconcile this new life with the life that I thought I would have.
But I’m trying. HOLY SHIT am I trying. I keep getting up, gritting my teeth, wiping away tears, and trying to find something good in my day to focus on. Because if I know anything, it’s that there IS magick in transformation. Even ones that you don’t want. Maybe especially in ones you don’t want.
Bear, you’ll forever be the most magickal thing that ever happened to me. I love you so much, wherever you are. And I miss you. But I’m going to keep trying just the same. What else can I do?
Something to Look Forward to…
I’m also going to try to start blogging here again. It may look different than it used to. It can’t be helped- I’m different than who I used to be. If there are things you think I could do to improve this blog, please let me know. What would you like to read?
Hope everyone is having a nice late November. Hold the ones you love tightly. And blessed be. <3