Priorities.

It’s time to prioritize things.  I have a ton of things going on, and some things are going to have to be sacrificed to make time for the things that really, REALLY count.  Here’s my list.

1. Bear.  This includes keeping us healthy, so we can be together for a long, long time.
2. The house.  i.e. Coming up with money for property taxes so we can KEEP said house.  We need a place to live.
3. Writing.  I really want to make a go of this.  I’m so close to finishing my first novel that I can feel it, and I’m already 17K into my second novel in the series.  I want to spend less time on things that don’t get me further in my writing aspirations.
4. Spirituality.  I’m feeling that Autumnal pull to go inward.  I want to focus on myself and on moving my life in a positive direction.
5. J, the dogs, my family, friends, work, everything else that’s important is here.

Things that I’ve pulled back from: kink (and Fetlife), our search for a third, video gaming (unless after a SUPER stressful day- then Minecraft is the only thing I can focus on), TV, visual arts (excluding the cover I’m working on now), Facebook, Twitter, etc.  I’m trying really hard to cut some of the clutter in my life.  I should probably work on cutting the clutter in my house too as an extension of that, but that would just be another time-waster at this point.

I need to print this, fold it up, and keep it in my pocket.

News in writing: Not a lot has been happening.  I’ve been in a cycle of crazy work schedules, and it’s tough for me to put aside time to write.  Since my job also puts me in a lot of pain, it’s easy to just vegetate and feel sorry for myself.  It makes it tough for me to focus on the writing I need to be doing.

These are all excuses.  I need to get over them.  Coffee and ibuprofen are my best friends.

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The weather is getting cooler, and again, that drives me to go inward.  I like to examine where I am at in my life and see what I can improve around this time.  Summer’s energies are just so scattered and frantic, but Autumn brings the stillness needed for good introspection.

I miss my spirituality.  We take the sabbats as a day off from the diet, and I usually try to make a feast of some sort.  This year, I made pork roast with sweet potatoes and apples, kale, and an apple crisp for dessert.  It was freakin’ fabulous.

This year, I also began to examine my spirituality a little more.  It occurred to me that I’m writing this idealized pagan town, but I never, ever hang out with fellow pagans.  Why?  Because some of them are crazy, a lot of covens are just filled with drama and chaos, and so many pagans take themselves really seriously.  Basically, they just aren’t my sort of folks.

I know that there are lovely pagans out there, I just don’t quite know how to find them.  Even if I DID know how to find them, my schedule/finances are such that I can’t go to meetings/celebrations/etc anyways.

So the people of Glint (which may become the town of Willowisp- haven’t decided yet) have been extensions of myself and my own spiritual practice.  I’ve always been solitary, and they are kind of idealized versions of facets of what I practice/believe.  I wonder if I’m not getting enough variety that way, and I want to solve that.

To that end, I’ve been watching YouTube videos of pagans.  Some are wonderful, some are a bit on the woogie side.  So I think I want to write some woogie pagans as well for balance.  Should be a fun edit!

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Putting aside kink is a biggie for me.  It’s been a main focus of my life for probably the last 5 years or so.

That’s not to say that we won’t be having kinky sex.  That will NEVER go away.  But I just want to pull back from all the public parts of it.  Fetlife is a huge time waster for me, and it’s also kind of a reminder of the disappointment I’ve been feeling over not being able to find play partners for us.  We had a third, it didn’t work out, and I put a lot of energy into finding another boy for us.

Not anymore.  I just honestly don’t care.  It was never a case of Bear not being enough for me, I just thought it would bring us some extra happiness- which is in short supply.  But it didn’t happen, and I’m taking that as a sign that we’re just not in the right place for it to happen yet.  I’m keeping an open mind, but I’m not searching like I was.

Also, Bear and I have been together for 3 years, and he’s always, ALWAYS wanted to be a rope bottom for me.  I’ve just never gotten there.  The logistics of tying a 6’6″ Bear have added that extra layer of difficulty that have prevented me from trying.  I’m going to try.  He deserves all of my attention.

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Thursday we’re taking a road trip to the road where I’m setting my town.  I can’t wait!  I made this trip one summer before Bear moved here, and I’ve always wanted to take him back there.  We also have the added company of our roommate/ex, and the three of us usually have a great time together.

So we’re going to go there and take some pics of the road for the cover of my first book.  Then we’re going to explore an abandoned sanitarium close by, and hit a small, historical town on the drive.  It should be a lot of fun!  We don’t take nearly enough road trips.

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I’m also going to start cross-posting my entries here into a Live Journal account under the same name.  The writing group that I was accepted into (there’s not enough YAY!) has a group there, and that will allow me to keep in touch there too.

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